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This has been a hectic week for me as I got back from CatalystCon 2014, survived another North East snow storm (12 inches this time) and for the rest of the week, thinking what my first subject I would write about #ccon. Every time I am around such positive people and exchange ideas, ideas and energy I have to say the personal growth is priceless and best of all, I was lucky enough this year to share this experience with my wife, thereby providing the opportunity to better understand this journey which I started a year ago, understand how/why a gathering of Sex+ professionals and allies could have made such a monumental impact. The impact has been so great that though this journey is something I have to experience and process, this gathering provided her the peace of mind I am around some of the finest people around.
Let me first start off this post by providing a heartfelt Thank You to everyone in attendance, but most of all I want to show my appreciation and respect to the visionary of this conference, Ms. Dee Dennis and that her vision inspires discussions. These discussions could be perceived by some as good while others can see it as threatening, but that is what a discussion is all about and I hope the discussion of growth and betterment will never stop.
So let me say here and now, I want everyone involved in making the weekend so wonderful, “THANK YOU for a wonderful, enlightening and powerful weekend.” Let me say that again, THANK YOU so much Dee and the ENTIRE STAFF for what must have been countless hours organizing and working all the issues which pop-up a conference with so many moving parts; all the while ensuring the attendees had over 50 one hour sessions to choose from, I not only tip my hat to you, If you see me at the next CatalystCon or any other event, you have my open consent card to grab me and I will provide you with a big hug I so owe each of you (with consent of course). Also thanks to the sponsors of this event for your openness, willingness and BELIEF in the SEX+ movement and how important it is to keep the conversation going. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!
For me the weekend started off by having the honor hearing heartfelt stories by Dr. Carol Queen, Dr. Robert Lawrence and Ducky DooLittle concerning their early years as a Sex Worker/Educators. Each painted a vivid picture which I could easily transport myself to that time-period and moment, One thing which surprised me, and I think they were both were just as shocked, that though they were on opposite coasts, in those early years, their tails were shockingly similar while individual to their own situation.
This time I had a better idea of what to expect, so I did prepare myself this time and paced myself at the con, ensuring plenty of time to administer some self care (yes, that was me at every break standing outside of the hotel smoking a cigarette in front of the hotel, but we all have vices). This allowed me to process and prepares for each session, engage in conversation and prepare myself to share my perceptions on subjects. If you did not know, I still hold a lot of fear expressing myself with eloquence and poise. It is not because I do not believe what I am talking and fighting for but it is my brain which works 1,000,000,000 mph and I can only speak about 5 mph.
If you have been following this blog since December 2013, you might remember the post concerning my lack of sex education (read it HERE) and the ramification I have been addressing these past few months which I attribute to that sub-par education. So what happened on Sunday gave me the boost in my confidence that I am doing this for a reason and it could make a difference. It was following my participating in Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo‘s seminar “Orientation as A Living Entity”.
During the class Dr. Dischiavo had us move around the room and examine first sexual orientation over a period of time asking us to remember our placement on the scale in five year increments and then did the same concept, but focused how we perceived our gender identification during the same five year intervals. Now that we all had both reference points Dr. Dischiavo split the participants in half one side of the room and told them to take their current sexual orientation and had the other group (mine) and have us stand where we fit on the scale at age 15. She then asked us to take our 15 year old gender identity and meet someone on the other side of the room which closes represents our current sexual orientation. Then imagine what the 15 year old gender identity do/react to the placement on orientation.
I walked to a young lady closest to the center of the line, i.e. “bi-sexual” (as I stated in a previous post, I claim a sexual, as in open to any possibility and allowing the relationship to naturally develop rather than forced in a specific orientation, which I am not sure I even developed) and thought, “What would the me then do with this information? How would I react?” I then started to stare at this woman rubbing my chin.
After a few minutes of contemplating Dr. Dischiavo asked if anyone wanted to share their experienced in the past few minutes. After a moment of silence I decided to speak up. I told the class the 15 year old me would try to assess the situation. Does this orientation feel “right”, as long as I am happy, I think 15 year old me would be as well.”
“The 40 year old me wanted to give the 15 year old me a hug and tell him everything will be alright, but be mindful of other people’s bias, ignorance and intolerance infect your life. Living that way will make the next 25 years a little easier.”
Well back to the recharge room, a different lady from the class came up to me and told me how powerful my story was, and that her partner was experiencing similar thoughts and questions as I was. I gave her my card, which contained web address to here. I told her, this is a kind of journal of the questions I have and my journey of self discovery. It was at that moment, I found my place!!!
If I can help one person to feel less alone, that it is alright, healthy in fact, to question to question your beliefs. That mama told me to eat my vegetables, and her answer to my “They are yucky” she would inevitably state, “How can you KNOW you don’t like something if you haven’t even tried it?”
This is my solemn promise promise to all who read my blog; I will continue to document my journey in discovering myself. Some of it will be hard to read, probably just as hard as it will be for me to write. This will always be a place you can come to, know you are not alone and that what you feel, attempt to honor and nurture it, that sense of wonder.
So CatalystCon, Dee and all, thank you for making this special moment happen and know there were hundreds of other people having AH’ HA moments like mine. I thank you for all you have done and will do to ensure the discussions continue.
Don’t worry, this is just the tip of the iceberg of things I want to discuss in the coming weeks and months.
I stand WITH you all!!!
A look into the idea of male fluidity and that it may not be uncommon. This is my story and it may help you or someone you know.
As always I would love to hear from everyone. There is no need to be shy, I leave myself naked on the site for you so I have nothing to hide so we can start a dialog to make change.
Don’t believe me? You can also see how naked I can get here https://capitalfun1.com/about/
This blog is #NSFW and should be of legal age to view.
This past weekend was an incredible one for me as I did a LOT of things I thought I would never have the chance to do all the while focusing on my journey and little did I know I was going to participate in the education of others. I truly felt as though I was no longer a spectator in the sex-positive community, I felt as though I was a participant. Let me tell you what happened.
A week ago today, I was attending a well known kinkster weekend event. For those who do not know what a kinkster is, the urban dictionary provides the most accurate explanation as they describe it as “one who enjoys and participates regularly in “kinky” sexual activities“. This event is well known as it attracts and promotes inclusiveness among the different sexual communities. In the pre-conference meet-up happy-hour was amazing to see so many people with different interests and sexual orientations hugging, laughing and enjoying each other company. We all felt safe as we knew we were among family. The energy of the room, hell for the entire weekend, was one of acceptance and free of judgment.
The first night of the conference, they even held a sampler platter of different play situations set-up to try a situation with experts so one could try things out in a safe environment. At this first night sampler I experienced a stun-gun play, erotic feeding, energy play, and water boarding. What a hell of a start of weekend. All of this was a primer for what was yet to come.
The next day, I attended a class titled “G and P Spot Massage”. Now I am not going to reveal the instructor’s name for privacy concerns. At the start of the class she explained her thoughts on the G-Spot was real (which I completely agree with) and addressed the bull-shit “studies” questioning its existence. She went through and described the female anatomy and nerve endings bundling and placement in and around the vaginal area.
Following the description she introduced a woman, whom she knew and negotiated prior to the class, to the head of the class, which was a small classroom of 20 to 30 people (standing room only), and had her disrobe and lay on a table and started to message her. The instructor continued her lecture and would describe what she was feeling while paying careful attention to demonstratee. After about a 15-20 minute demonstration the woman experienced an incredible orgasm and the instructor provided her aftercare.
As the woman was regaining her strength and bearing from her orgasm, the instructor stated, the people she usually demonstrates on were conducting another class at the same time, but she could field questions and discuss the prostate with us all, unless she could find a volunteer who wanted to help her by demonstrating with her. It took me about two seconds to stand up and say I would do it.
I quickly jumped up and went to the table where the previous demonstration took place and started to disrobe completely naked in front of the now 35 or so people now crammed in the room while the instructor placed an absorbent pad on the table. I asked her what was best for her to demonstrate and be visible to most of the class. I told her I was fine on my back or on my hands and knees. She thought the second might be better, so I proceeded to climb on the table and “assumed the position” with my ass facing the crowd.
She proceeded on with her lecture as she told the attendees what she was doing as she did it. She started by placing the lube on her rubber gloved fingers and then on my asshole and started by making circles around the hole and with each circle applying slight pressure on the hole with the pad of her finger tip as I attempted to relax in front of so many people. I had done this before, but not before so many people, let alone strangers. After a few minutes of circles, more lube and pressure her finger slowly slid into my asshole.
Once 3/4th of her finger was in me she asked to me with her cheery voice, and loud enough for the class to hear “It has been awhile for you, hasn’t it? You are damn tight. Please don’t take my finger.” to which I responded with a smile on my face, “Thank you for saying I am tight as I don’t get this as often as I would like. Plus I was looking to take a souvenir home from this convention.”
I could hear the attendees chuckle nervously. That is when I knew, I had to make this informative as well as liven the receiver’s side up to show there is nothing wrong with a man participating and being on the relieving end of anal play.
By now her first finger was completely inside of me and then asked if I wanted a second to which I replied, “If you want to place another finger in, I am alright with that. Hell it feels so good; you can place a third one in and make it a threesome.” This one-liner got some more chuckles and they sounded less nervous.
The instructor even started to chuckle and she gave my ass cheek a soft swat while continuing to slider her finger in and out of me. To the swat she gave me, I looked back at her over my left shoulder with a smile on my face and said, “You already have a finger in my ass, how turned on do you want me to get by spanking me like that?” The room responded with an even more relaxed laugh.
The instructor’s response was by placing the second, well lubed finger in my ass and had both of her fingers work directly on my prostate. The feeling was so good that my arms could not hold my upper body up as I placed my forehead on the table and moaned loudly. “You do sound turned on.” she responded.
It was at this point, I noticed my penis was not erect, but there was plenty of pre-cum on the tip of my dick. It was at this point that I told the class, “Do not let the loss or the absence of an erection make you think that there is something wrong. The loss of an erection sometime is a typical response. The blood which creates the erection is flowing to other erogenous zones being stimulated. The media makes us believe the erection is how you know you are enjoying something, not the pleasures you feel.”
After a few minutes of the instructor thrusting in and out of my with her two fingers she asks me if I want a third finger or try an insertable. I then pull my upper body off the table and look back at her and the crowd and say, “Honey, I am fine with insertables. Hell a few months ago I graduated to a seven incher. So size is not an issue with me.”
This is when I heard the female demo from before say, “Seven inches? Shit, I can barely take that. Good for you!” I and the rest of the room started to laugh at that.
The instructor pulled out one of her insertables and placed a condom on it and then talked everyone into care for toys and then slowly inserted the dildo into my ass. It was about twice circumference of her two fingers. I took a deep breath as she slowly worked the dildo in and out of me. It was at this point a person from the crowd asked, “What is the difference in what you are doing there than the prostate massagers on the market which places pressure on the perineum?”
I told him, “Here there is a fullness which to me is not there with the massager. Also, for me, the sensations are internal over external, which might be a mental thing but the ball for the perineum is pretty unforgiving and at times I find uncomfortable. I enjoy the feeling of internal fullness and movement over the massagers. I want you to know, I have not tried the newer p-massagers with vibration, but a dildo with vibration inside can be incredible.”
At this time the instructor must have noticed the large amount of pre-cum dripping from me as she said to the class, “Let me amplify what Eric said before, erection does not mean the level of enjoyment. See all this drippage here? It appears he is really enjoying this. A lot.” while continuing to thrust her dildo in and out of me.
“Also let me add, which I should have said earlier, I rarely cum externally from pegging. What I experience is an intense orgasm than an external discharge of fluid. I find it to be as intense as a person playing with the head of my cock after an external ejaculation, but all over my entire body.”
Within less than three minutes after saying that, I told her and the class, that I think I was going to orgasm; to which my head dropped down to the table as I let out a loud grunting sound and started to quiver on top of the table and the instructor and the lady who demonstrated at the beginning of class started to provide me after care.
After a few minutes the instructor noticed we went over the allotted time for her class and the 30 minute break between classes. She apologized for the length of class, but all 30+ students stayed and thanked us all of the class. As the students filed out to their next class, I started to get dressed. The instructor thanked me again for doing that. I told her it was my pleasure, as I had orgasm more than once for her and that I hope I did not say anything out of line. She said I hadn’t and that she couldn’t have asked for a better demonstration.
The lady who provided the after care and demonstrated the g-spot section of the class came up to me as I continued to dress myself. She proceeded to thanked me for sharing such an incredible moment with her and the rest of the class. It was such an energetic and emotional sight for her. I thanked her and we hugged (consent from both of us)
Following the class I went outside to have a smoke and say my wife out in front of the hotel. I told her all about it. She said if she had known, she would have loved to have been there to see the scene. I told her she could have it anytime she wanted with a smile.
All the above made my day and convention, but it was the next day that I had two people come up to me about the class; the first was a man in his early 30’s say to me he tried prostate massage and sex with his girlfriend that night and said it was so wonderful and they would have never tried it if it wasn’t for me. The second was an older lady, probably in her late 50’s or early 60’s and said the same thing. She said her husband could not believe he had never had done it, and probably would never had even thought to have ever done something like that if it wasn’t for me.
It is now a week later, and I am humbled at the thought there were at least two people who attempted something new, enjoyed the experience and will be something they will bring forward with them from that point on. The thought which humbles me is the older lady saying her husband would never had thought to do anything like that if he hadn’t seen me do it and the pleasure I experienced. I still get a tear in my eye at the thought.
The Best of the Best:
Eric Meets Sex Positive Community:
With all that was going on within my personal life (See Part 1) with almost losing my wife multiple times, and multiple different medical conditions, besides attending Sex Camps I also decided to finally meet and receive a better understanding of the Sex Positive community, see what it was all about, what I could learn and most importantly what I can do to advocate and assist as many people and groups as I can.
Back in 2012, I started my initial outreach to this exciting community of advocates, professionals and educators who sit on the front-line fighting like superheroes protecting, educating and promoting a message we all have a fundamental human right to be sexual, express our sexuality, a sexual identity and explore a sexual desires freely in an environment free of violence, judgment and stigma while respecting the privacy of those who share our views.
It was during the election cycle of 2012 I found a purpose as I saw what appeared as several laws which threatened the safety and rights of Sex Workers and professionals by a series of poorly written laws which could easily be manipulated to infringe on our rights, such as L.A.’s infamous Measure B, California’s Prop 35 and several states had same-sex measures on the ballot, but all where confusingly written, or terms like trafficking was used to confuse the implications of the laws.
It was during this time, I used my voice on Twitter and limited followers to promote and educate as many as I could on what the implications these laws would have and could ruin the lives so many people for simply working, writing, expressing or educating on issues sexual subject matter.
Though my efforts were bitter sweet as many of the same-sex referendums passed, many other measures passed threatening their livelihoods and status of life. Thus I decided to attend my first conference:
CatalystCon a.k.a. #ccon:
I had bought my tickets for this conference before a medical emergency transpired with my wife, so I was not in the best head-space for this conference and was nowhere near ready to fully absorb all the awesome information all the presenters provided and find my true voice in helping in the cause of promoting a Sex+ Lifestyle.
My day started early on the brisk March day as I attended one of the pre-conference workshops hosted by Tristan Taormino (http://puckerup.com/). I probably had a look of utter shock on my face as this presentation commenced. Ms. Taormino’s eloquent presentation provided me with a scope and how to present myself and this wonderful community to help people understand what we are all about.
It was in Ms. Taormino’s class that I met a wonderful woman by the name of Emerald (@Emerald_theGLD) (http://thegreenlightdistrict.org/wordpress/) who must have seen the look of shock, which she was right as I felt I was truly unworthy to be in the room with all these incredible pioneers. Her aura and personality made me feel welcomed and accepted. I can never thank her enough for that moment in Ms. Taormino’s class as it set the stage for me for the rest of the conference.
Another notable mention was the chance to spend a few minutes to chat with the incredible Elle Chase (@LadyCheeky) as I was following her lead at the time of a Tumblr blog of shared images which promotes a positive views of the many faces of sexuality, Her blog http://www.ladycheeky.com/ is an incredible space to visit and admire her work in finding images which tell an incredible story and focuses on promoting a positive body-image message.
Another major defining moment that weekend was the opportunity to meet Sabrina Morgan (@SabrinaMorgan) (http://about.me/SabrinaMorgan). If you have not had the chance to meet her or hear her speak, I recommend that you do so at the first opportunity you can. This woman is more than meets the eyes as I describe her to friends as an incredibly poised, smart spitfire of positive energy whose bravery in presenting her information inspires me as every time I have spoken with her (in person, twitter or e-mail) she has increased my knowledge, understanding and love of more diverse people. This time if I get a chance to give her a hug, I will not be shy or meekish and take her up on the offer.
Lastly a major highlight for me that weekend was the chance to meet the conference organizer, Dee Dennis (@DeeDennis). I know how busy she was organizing and orchestrating the events to be kind enough to take the few minutes to talk and even share a nice hug.
I know there were so many people at this event, and I feel horrible in not naming everyone I met or shared in conversation but I feel I have gone on long enough you get the idea.
I do recommend you register for CatalystCon East 2014 ASAP as the line-up looks incredible and there is a lot to learn, a chance to network, collaborate while enjoying the energy of this incredible community.
Part 3 of the 2013 Year in Review will focus on the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance 2013 Summit.