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The Talk — A Need for Improved Sex Education #AdultSexEdMonth2014
I just came back from a wonderful kink event this past weekend. I cannot say how wonderful it was to hear over the crackling camp fire the moans and screams of the pleasures being enjoyed all around me at the camp site. I felt this camp to be one of only a few options for many of the attendees to actually let the walls containing their inhibitions down and enjoy their sexuality is a safe and consensual environment. They were able to be who they wanted to be, who they think their true selves are by “indulging” in their desires they have to suppress.
I had many discussions with several different attendees; their backgrounds ranged from from single adults, parents, to a non-monogamous couple who run different types of sex parties (both swingers and BDSM focused), and there appeared to be a consensus that their fears were focused on the “Leave it to Beaver” family structure focused on social derived morality than an educated, informed view.
I posed the question of sex education to many who sat at the cap fire. I told my sex, or lack of, sex education I received growing up (READ IT HERE). How the lack left me more confused and left me wanting more information. In the days before the internet, getting information concerning sex consisted of walking a mile to a market which sold adult magazines, or the bookstore at the local mall. Most agreed my education was almost worse than no education at all.
That is why I was a little taken aback when those with kids feared talking to their kids about sex. As I stated before, I have no kids, so I have no context in how difficult and terrifying for both parties to talk about sex. Their child has a desire to learn more about a part of their own humanity and identity while the adult worries about telling them too much or inappropriate.
My advice to them was to gradually, in small increments, have a discussion about sex with their kids; no one likes a huge data-dump of information about a given subject all at one time. It could be something as simple as checking in with their kids, provide context to a scene they had seen on TV or movie… something as small as that can take some of the fear out of sex and sexuality.
One thing I was happy to hear, each parent wanted improvement in the Sex Education offered to their children within the schools. They wanted it more science fact based then the shame education they currently received. It shocked me to find out a local school district’s sex education consisted of approximately 60 PowerPoint slides. Of these 60 slides; 35 consisted of graphic images of STI infected genitals, 10 explaining the male anatomy and sperm, 10 on the female body and the remaining five slides on child birth. There was absolutely no reference on how to be safe.
I was pleased to hear what they thought should be most important aspects which should be covered for their kids:
- They thought non-gender specific discussion on the relationships
- Consent strongly enforced, even before the sex-ed class
- How to stay safe
- Not to lie to the children and give the impression sex isn’t pleasurable, but comes with responsibility (See three previous bullets)
So the discussions made me feel a little bit better as there are people out there desperately wanting accurate unbiased information concerning sex and sexuality for their children, but the stigma they feel from the vocal minority who still want to cling to the unrealistic “Leave it to Beaver” moral model.
The best site I have found to date, geared for a young adult and parents concerning sex is Scarleteen. If you have similar discussions with parents concerning how to discuss sex with their children, give them the web-address to this Scarleteen. Next time you are at the doctor, tell them about this site so they can give to other parents. As adults we say, “Knowledge Is Power”, why can’t the same be said about the kids. Now don’t push too hard, offer the site to other parents and let them make their own informed choices.
Now my last plea to each of the readers of this post; if you are able, please contribute to help Scarleteen keep providing the education, advocacy and support young people want and need; services directly informed by those needs as they express them themselves. You can support Scarleteen HERE
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The Shack — Threesome With Gillian, John and Mark (Part 2)
Mark entered The Shack later than he did the week before. The rain had delayed his arrival as every cab appeared to have a passenger sp it took him twice as long to flag down a cab delaying his arrival. He hated this, all Mark wanted to do is meet up with Gillian and John. He wanted to know if they even wanted to be with him at all.
Marked looked around and at first did not see either of them. He walked over to the bar and shifted his fingers through his wet hair, frustrated and hurt that the fates might be working against him. That was when he heard a woman scream from above, “MARK!!!! Up here!!!”
Mark looked up and saw Gillian up on the second level smiling and waving down to him. The sight of her brought a smile to his face. Then from behind her John’s head popped out beside her also smiling down to him as John yell down to him, “Get up here!!!! We have a spot up here for you!!!”
Mark gave them both a big smile and nodded to them as he looked around to the stairs to the second level. He saw the steps were across the room and slowly walked towards them and climbed up. Once he ascended the stairs there stood Gillian and John smiling at him.
Gillian gave Mark a big hug followed by a deep and passionate kiss. She brought her hands down to firmly squeeze his ass-cheeks in a playful way. This move took Mark a little by surprise as he fletched and tightened. When the embrace ended it was John’s turn to greet Mark.
Mark opened his arms and offered John a hug. It was at this time that doubt started to fill Mark’s mind, was he presumptuous in kissing John like he did last week? Did John only kiss him back so he did not feel rejected? His thoughts were quickly answered when John moved in to accept the hug and proceeded to give Mark the same kiss he had given him the previous week.
“Glad you decided to return today. We were not sure you were coming back” John said after they separated and started to lead Mark to a sofa.
Mark noticed things were a little different here on the second floor, first it was a little darker then downstairs and the sexual energy was more evident as well. Though everyone was still clothed, the energy was there and the display of affection was not hidden. He saw all sorts of couples up here making out and exploring each other’s bodies over their cloths. He openly saw men kissing both men and women; women kissing men and women and there were several threesomes locked in embraces.
“I am sorry finding a cab was next to impossible with the rain.”
“That is what we thought, but we were unsure if you would return.” Gillian stated looking into Mark’s eyes.
“You two are all I have been thinking of all week.” Mark said with a smile. He could see their shoulder’s drop and relax. They too must have been thinking about him all week.
“I have been looking so forward to tonight, it make the week unbearably long and frustrating.” Mark said smiling.
The both returned his to him when Gillian asked, “Do you mind if I am forward with you, Mark?”
This shook Mark a little. Were they going to turn him down tonight? Did his tardiness force them to see out the company of another person? “Not at all.” Mark responded meekly attempting to maintain a poker face not showing his nervousness.
“I do not know if you know this, but after last week, John and talked about you all week.” Gillian said.
Mark thought Gillian was going to drop the boom and say they thought twice about him, and would send him on his way.
“We really like you,” Gillian continued “and we want to take you home with us tonight. That is if you want to come with us.”
Mark was relieved by what Gillian had said, “If you will have me, I am willing to follow you and see how things turn out.”
“ I would expect nothing less.” Gillian said as she gave mark a soft hug.
Marks first thoughts were on how attractive the two of them were as he returned the hug back to Gillian. Mark felt her soft body meld with his made his cock swell which he was sure she could feel through her dress. Her hand slid down his back and rested on his ass to pull his crotch closer to her. She wanted to feel that erection, his excitement swell in his pants while also press against her.
While still in the embrace, she raised her head to look up at him. Some of her dark hair had fallen into her face. She looked up at through the hair and gave him a sensual smile of approval as she had indeed felt his cock and was getting more impressed as he grew even harder.
Where they ended their embrace, Mark admired Gillian’s knee length black dress which hugged and showed off each of her incredible curves. The V-neck gave view of her ample cleavage bounced and swayed with her every movement. Mark was sure John and Gillian both knew how erect his cock was for her. Not her but the both of them.
Gillian grasped both men’s hand and led them to a sofa where they nestled in closely tighter, sharing their body heat with each other. Mark sat in the middle while John and Gillian sat on either side of him. They sat there for the next few hours continuing last week’s conversation covering a range of topics from work, favorite foods, movies and sexual likes and desires.
As the evening progressed both Gillian and John would softly touch Mark while Mark returned the favor with a similar touch. It started with Gillian running her hands softly up and down his should, feeling his muscles. Mark softly brought his hand softly down her spine down to the crack of her ass.
John from time to time would place his hand on Mark’s thigh, each time he did so, the hand rested closer to his crotch leaving Mark excited and wanting and waiting for his had to finally land on what he knew they both wanted his hand to land on.
The crowd excitement ebb and flow as people mulled around conversed creating their own excitement all the while oblivious to the energy and excitement of the threesomes playful touching game which was slowly escalating in sexual energy and tension.
Mark, Gillian and John so desperately wanted all the customers to depart so they could live out what they were thinking. Mark wanted to get them both naked in front of him. He wanted John naked in front of him, to take what must be hard cock in his mouth while Gillian in between his legs taking his cock in her mouth.
Gillian wanted to lay Mark on his back and lay naked on top of Mark ad allowing him to lap up her moist pussy while taking his cock in her mouth while Mark slowly lapped her moist pussy while attempting to put her mouth around both rock hard cocks in her mouth.
John wanted Gillian on top of Mark in a 69 position, her sweet mouth around his cock while Mark sucked and licked her slit only to be disturbed with his cock entering Gillian’s pussy from behind, leaving Mark in the perfect position to lick his prick as he enters Gillian. He wanted to give Mark the chance to offer Gillian’s sweet juices off of his cock.
There was so much they wanted to do and the night continued on. That was until one of the employees walked up to their sofa and said, “Gillian, the last customer has left, we have cleaned everything up and I have counted the registers. Is there anything more you want from us tonight?” This employee KNEW what was going on with the three of them and the staff could not be happier for them.
Gillian looked up at the staff member, in shock as she wondered where the hell did the evening go? While thinking at the same time thank goddess the customers were gone to do what they do after the bar closed and that their night of pleasure could soon start.
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The Shack — Threesome With Gillian, John and Mark (Part 1)
The stormy weather only added to Mark’s uncertainty. “Was this stormy night a foreshadow of a bad things or was it cleansing all the bad energy he experienced this past week?” was all that Chad could think. Though he was unsure, he was not going to let it prevent him from unknown possibilities this night might hold for him.
It was last weekend he had met the young couple he was meeting at the bar called, “The Shack”. It was the local “lifestyle” friendly club. He had gone to it because of its rule to accept everyone in a safe and friendly environment, free of judgments.
Last week, Mark dared himself to go and check out the club alone. Before walking in, he did not know what to expect. He initially thought there would be half naked people swinging and dirty dancing and having sex all on every area of the bar. He knew it was a silly thought, but the idea excited him.
When Mark first walked into the bar, he was pleased at the low-key environment. It was two level, the bottom floor was a modest sized dance floor surrounded but a railing and the rest of the floor had small circle tables and some chairs. Along the walls were several sofas as well. Though there was a dance floor, the music was at a level to allow for conversation and not extremely loud.
Mark then found an open seat at the bar and asked the bartender for a simple drink and stood there letting the ambiance soak in and let his preconceive notions get drown out by reality. Once Mark got his drink from the bartender and paid his tab, he turned to face towards everyone else in the bar.
He saw small groups of people talking, smiling, laughing and having a good time. His first feeling was that he did not belong here. It did not seem like it was that much different than any other bar that he had been to. It took him a little time but he then noticed some coupling was different; he noticed along with the men with women coupling he could also notice women with women, men with men, couples with couples and couples with a third all mixed together.
The idea of people being able to be themselves excited Mark so much that he did not notice the couple right next to him. He then felt a soft tap on his shoulder. This shocked him a little but he slowly turned to see a woman, a little shorter than he standing there smiling at him.
“How are you doing tonight?” she had asked him.
Her smile was so intoxicating to him, all he could do was to return the smile back and say, “Doing well now.” Mark knew that was a shitty line, but that was not his intent to pick her up, but the statement was out there now; there was no taking it back.
“Have you have been here before?” she asked.
“N-no.” Mark responded, “I have been curious about this place for a while now.”
“I thought so. My name is Gillian.” She said. Her voice made had a calming effect on him and excited him a little as well.
“Mark”
“Nice to finally meet you Mark.” This exchange took him off guard as she continued, “Glad you decided to come out.”
Mark knew his attempt at shock was not contained by their interaction but he extended his hand out offering an official introduction handshake, which he accepted.
“My husband,” she pointed to a man reclining on one of the sofas, who nodded at approvingly to Mark, “and we have been watching you since you came into the bar.”
Mark was taken a little aback by the approach and unsure what was going on and what this was all about. All Mark could muster was almost a blank stare back while continuing to smile at Gillian.
“May you are a quiet one, Mark. Are you alright?”
“I-I am fine.” He said still shocked, confused and unsure what was going on.
“Look, we don’t know where your interest lye, but my husband and I find you attractive and want to get to know you better. Would care to join us? Gillian asked.
To break the silence she then said still smiling, “I hope that did not sound too creepy.”
Mark chucked and a smile returned to his face and he exhaled deeply. “That does not creep me out at all. I would be honored to sit with the two of you”
Mark followed Gillian to the sofa. When they go there, her husband stood and said with a warm smile, “I am John, nice to meet you…”
“This cutie is Mark.” Gillian said finishing the introduction.
“Please have a seat Mark.” John said motioning for him to sit. For the rest of the night the three of them were in conversation. They started to learn more and more about each other. They learned that Mark had bi-sexual interests and had not really acted out on those feeling.
Mark learned that Gillian was the owner of The Shack, in fact she had met her husband at this bar several years ago. John had been a regular here and was well known and liked by many of couples who frequented the bar. The fact was that John was always open to fulfilling everyone’s fantasies and desires.
That night had ended with Mark stating he had to get home as he had an early morning the next day. He had enjoyed the conversation. He felt excited and attracted the both of them. He had hoped they understood and did not think he was backing out of exploring them even more.
As Mark was leaving, both Gillian and John got up to see him leave and say their fairwells for the night Mark said, “I will be here next weekend. I would like to see you two again.”
Gillian had smiled and opened her arm to give him a hug. As she came in to him, she gave him a soft kiss on the lips. What happened next left him in shock.
As John opened his arms to give him a hug, Mark accepted the hug, and he was the one who started to kiss John. It was not a small peck, but a full on open mouth kiss with their tongues intertwine together in a passionate exchange.
For the past week, so many thoughts passed through Mark’s mind, so many different scenarios on how anything might play out between the three of them.
Mark remembered that as soon as he arrived home, he masturbated several times the kiss he shared with both Gillian and John and the to the thought of spending the night with the two of them.
At the beginning of the week Mark’s fantasies started with him bending Gillian over and rapidly fucking her and by Wednesday night he thought of bending them both over and having sex with the both of them. By Thursday night all Mark could think of was what it would feel like to have both Gillian and John suck him off and the follow it by bending John over, spreading his ass cheeks and fucking his tight asshole until he exploded and then wondered what it would feel like to have John do the same to him and then they could top the night off by them both having sex with Gillian
Now it was Friday, and he was on his way to the club, excited to see how the night would progress and wonder how everything would go down…
Keep your eyes out for Part II which will be out real soon. The heat continues to rise at The Shack.
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The Month of May Is For Masturbation
I Want the World to Go From This….
A few months ago I wrote an article here which in which I revealed I have consistent feelings of self-loathing following orgasm following masturbating. (READ IT HERE) In fact it was a topic which my muse for my original post, the lovely Kendra Holliday ‘s (@TBK365), addressed in a posting of her own on her site The Beautiful Kind titled 2-4-6-8 We Love To Masturbate (READ IT HERE)
The Lovely Kendra Holliday (@TBK365 on Twitter)
A year ago I thought I was well past my shame about this beautiful and healthy practice of self love, that I signed up to participate and raise money for the Center for Sex and Culture, an organization which I support and ask you to look into. This event did allow me the chance to open dialog with others concerning masturbation.
The day of the event, I went to participate. I remember it to have been a beautiful and warm day with about 35-40 other individuals who had collected donations to participate in the event.
The event started with one of my idols, Carol Queen, talking briefly about the center and their work to bring sex out of the shadows and promote health sex and healthy sexuality, free of bias, judgment and stigma.
We all found a place where we felt centered and balanced so we could participate.
Not being one to be modest, I placed my towel in the grass and proceeded to take off my clothes. I started with my shirt. I looked around and saw most of the participants, and you could tell they felt a bit overwhelmed in what they were about to participate in. The reality of getting nude in front of others hit them and was probably not something they felt fully comfortable in doing; I on the other hand was one of the first to get naked and started to do some stretching.
When the others saw me and a few others naked, the rest of the participants felt more comfortable and started their process of getting comfortable. Some kept some of their clothes on while there were others like me who were happy to be naked in nature.
However after I made myself comfortable laying down and opened my bottle of lube the first feeling of self loathing crept into my mind. The image of getting caught so many years ago came up strong in my mind.
The issue of getting caught masturbating has prevented me from enjoying a single masturbation session. In my mind it is a race to orgasm so I have more time to clean-up and get rid of all the evidence before I get caught, the faster the better,
There I was, on my back, lube on cock and my hand wrapped around my erect cock, I wanted to explode right there so it would be done and over with. Panic filled my mind in that here I was at an event promoting shame-free form of sexuality and ALL I could think of was my shame!!!!
I attempted to fight the thoughts of shame as I heard the moans of pleasure all around me. It felt as though I was all alone. I knew I was not doing anything bad at all, but I could not get past thoughts out of my head. All my body wanted to do was explode so I could clean up.
Another aspect of my shame comes as I tend to be silent when I masturbate. It is almost as though my brain is not willing to allow me to enjoy the physical pleasures as I feel of my hand gliding up and down my cock with one hand and the other either tugging or massaging my testicles, or placing a finger on my anus or sometimes finger fuck my ass while manipulating my cock. Hell, sometimes I will even try to make myself feel the pleasure by laying my cock up so the tip is pointing up at me and lightly run a single finger up and down the underside of the shaft of my cock.
SO there I was quiet ad I hear the moans all around me. On one hand my brain is turned on by the sounds of pleasure all around me while also wanting it to be done. I attempted to power though my feelings, but it was almost like auto pilot and I ejaculated quite quickly.
So this year let me say this to everyone, thought I feel shame, I LOVE TO MASTURBATE!!!! I love and deserve to feel the warm joys of pleasure!!!!!
My Masturbation Secrets:
During masturbation sessions I psychologically need to ejaculate an odd number of time (i.e. 1,3,5,7… times)
Sometime I eat my own ejaculate
I do not always need visual stimuli
I want to masturbate more often!!!!
To This…
and This
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Nearby Washington D.C. County Efforts Endangering Sex-Workers
It has been a while but last night I saw on the news that Prince George’s County, a nearby county here in Washington D.C. was alerting the community they were going to conduct a “sting operation”. Their public stance is that are targeting the “John’s and then live tweet their full names along their mug-shots under the hashtag “#PGPDVice”.
I am under the impression nothing but a public PR campaign by a county, historically viewed for its high violent crime rate and perceived view the local PD is unwilling and unable to do their job to “protect and serve” their local community.
This “live tweeting” is just another example of a local police department stigmatizing and terrorizing a part of the population they say they are attempting to protect. They are under the mentality and understanding targeting sex-workers and their customers will cause their perceived to just vanish. The demand will just dry up.
When will police departments figure out, these types of actions place the very people they say they are protecting, Individuals who are forced by others either through threats of abuse or kidnapping to non-consensually participate in the sex-work industry in more danger? These sting operations places an aura of stigma and shame which prevents the individuals best placed to report an unsafe work environment and working conditions.
This idea these sting operations causing more damage is best illustrated by the Executive Director of HIPS (www.Twitter.com/HIPSDC) Cyndee Clay, when she stated that these type of sting operations place “Sex workers who are being abused or are stuck in a sex trafficking operation may be less likely (or able) to turn to police out of fear; similarly a client of a sex-worker will be less likely to report abuse to the proper authorities they too will be arrested.”
These local police departments need to think about the situation differently. The thought arresting someone is equal to “saving someone”. Who is going to save a waitress or someone in the food service industry from their sub-minimum wage jobs and the abuse from many of these people experience at the hands of untrained and ill-equipped managers who over-work and abuse them?
I feel the sex work industry should be considered a legitimate job, free of oppression and prosecution. Both the workers and customers of this industry should have the “right” to be safe and report acts of abuse and violence free of prosecution.
What also should be noted is the reasons given by the Prince George’s County Police Department why they are going to conduct the raid in the manner they are with “live tweeting” the arrests. According to their spokesperson Julie Parker they are going to Twitter for safety and transparency since most of what the “agency does is behind the scenes and the community is really intrigued by that work.”
Now I pose the following question to @PGPDNews ”What happened to due process? It has been my understanding a person is considered innocent before they are guilty? That is why we have a court system. That is why the news media has to say a suspect is alleged of a crime no matter how damning the evidence is against them.”
The PGPD do not take serious the need of public safety, and those needs should extend to everyone within the county. Hell, even Ms. Parker stated they are only publicly Tweeting this sting to quench the thirst of a community.
PGPD why not place efforts to lowering other crimes? According to MD crime states, PG County latest stats (2012) there were 4,946 violent crimes, 173 rapes, 31,126 property crimes and 19,988 aggravated assaults reported.
As this is election year, I recommend everyone to seek-out and support local organizations, like HIPS, which offered support to the local sex-worker community. HIPS’ mission is to support the rights and dignity of individuals and communities impacted by sexual exchange and/or drug use due to choice, coercion, or circumstance. They provide compassionate harm reduction services, advocacy, and community engagement that is respectful, non-judgmental, and affirms while honoring the individual power.
They also believe those engaged in sex work, sex trade, and drug use should be able to live healthy, self-determined, and self-sufficient lives free from stigma, violence, criminalization or oppression. HIPS also actively engaging sex workers, drug users and the communities in challenging structural barriers to health, safety, and prosperity.
Follow the link below to see review HIPS’ mission and see how you may be able to support them and their mission to help so many.
EVERYONE deserves to live free of SHAME, PROSICUTION and FEAR. Inclusion and judgment-free access to medical educational services are ALL essential and a fundamental HUMAN RIGHTS.
