You may be sitting there wondering who the heck I am and why I am doing this blog. Well here we go:
Who am I? I am just your average everyday 40 year old who is just NOW lifting my head out of the fog of crappy sex education the public schools provided. My education took place in the pre-internet era, Playboy Magazine was still in 7-11 and you had to get your condoms from the Pharmacist.
I grew up in the mid-west, where there was a church on what seemed every street corner. I felt lucky I did not have to go to church and get the shit scared out of me, but my schoolmates were more than eager to tell this heathen all about hell, sin and that since I did not believe in any one god, I was sure to go to hell unless I followed the masses.
I also remember my fellow classmates and adults talking in funeral voices and exuded a general feeling of unease when talking about sex. I remember thinking to myself back then, if my parents AND teachers felt suck apprehension to talk about sex, that it must be bad; worse than the brussel sprouts. However it did not quell my excitement. I knew it couldn’t be that bad, James Bond was still alive and kicking.
So with that said, I remember the build-up all fall, and winter that exciting 6th grade year looking to spring to “become a man” by learning all there was to learn about sex. When the day arrived, I remember that it was a warm Friday spring day; I carried my permission slip, unlike several other students, and was kicked out of the classroom and place in the library, while the rest of us were further segregated by our birth-sex. I also remember my teacher, a portly balding man with a real bad comb-over, proceeded to press play on the VCR and darted to the door, located in the back of the room to stand guard of another student might accidentally walk in.
So there I sat watching this 35 to 40 minute black and white movie telling me about the male sex anatomy and NOTHING about the what to do with the raging hard-on I was starting to get every morning and sometimes at the chalkboard, or on the bus, or at the bus-stop, or at the comic book store; I think you get the picture, I was one horny 6th grader, who did not know what to do, or worse yet I was more confused than ever as no one talked at all about what we watched. We were then told to go outside and have extra recess time. As we all filed outside I am sure my teacher wasted no time to reach in his desk to grab a bottle of whiskey to forget this lesson plan of pressing play on the VCR.
I remember being so confused all the way through summer. The class didn’t even mention women at all, it was all about men. I remember that summer sneaking out of the comic-book store to Bookslinger, the local book store; again it’s the mid-west. While in the book store, would stay in the magazine section, eyes fixated on that top-shelf. I did not know if I was “suppose to” be looking at Playboy or Playgirl. So for the next year I would pick up Playgirl since the title made it sound like I would learn all about girls who liked to play as adults. It was many months, at least 9, until my brother caught me looking at Playgirl and sat me down to explain the purpose and different between Playboy and Playgirl.
Now it gets better, during this time I was learning about “being a man” the neighbor’s daughter became pregnant and told the family over dinner one night. This confused me even further as she was not married. How the hell that did happened and asked my mother how this could happen. Her answer to me was “Sometimes a woman’s body could make a baby all on its own without being married.” and I believed her, and for many years I thought it was possible for a woman to impregnate herself without the “marriage requirement”.
I spent the next 10 years of life attempting to get caught up and learn about sex. In those years I would spend thousands of dollars on pornography (still do), strip clubs (haven’t been in a long time) adult sex focused comic books (still do) until I turned 21 years old; when I finally lost my virginity, and man my fears and anxieties that it wouldn’t happened passed I decided to make up for lost time. For the next two years I would hit the bars around town every weekend (Wednesday to Sunday morning) to pick up between one to three different women each night. This was also the time when I started to involve myself in the local “underground” swinging community.
It was during this time, I thought I outgrew many of the ideas and skewed ideas and views on sex, sexuality and human rights; I started to find myself accepting an increasingly diverse group of people, and thought of myself as progressive thinker growing past those mid-western views.
In the past few years my journey, I have found myself continuing to grow. I am now married; we both have been involved in the local swinging community and she has opened my eyes that I have some strong BDSM traits in our everyday sex-life. She had been in that community before and noticed my desire to be spanked and she noticed that if she would pull my hair in our session, more times than not, I would not control my edge play.
I have been back home to the mid-west several times and I am contentiously shocked on how stagnant their cultural development many former classmates perpetuate the narrow minded views the previous generation had. They do not believe in increased or revamping sexual education to be an inclusive environment and judgment free. They do not see an inclusive environment allows people the opportunity to feel accepted in their hometown communities.